Friday, August 14, 2015

Quit Whining About Seasonal Creep, AMIRITE?



(Subtitled: PUMPKIN BEERS, WHY GODS WHY)

So, it's July or August, and the Oktoberfest beers and pumpkin ales come out and it's ALL TOO MUCH. "Don't tell ME when summer is over!" you might scream to the heavens. "It's too damn hot for malt-forward lagers and pumpkin spice!"


I'm with you on the pumpkin spice/pumpkin/pumpkin pie beers, y'all. They are abominations sent unto thee to prove that people will drink just about anything that reminds them of dessert, no matter how disgusting. I don't like pumpkin beers, you guys. YOU GUYS. I hate pumpkin beers. Therefore I concede to annoyance that they come out earlier and earlier in the summer time because I really wish they didn't come out at all.

Seasonal creep (and complaining about it) is a widespread phenomenon (see also: Facebook posts screeching about seeing holiday decorations up before Halloween.) It's all part of the corporate philosophy to not let anyone get the drop on you, and to badger consumers into submission over a prolonged period of time. YOU CANNOT RESIST THOSE WEIRD HANGING ICICLE LIGHTS OR GIANT INFLATABLE SNOWMAN-PENGUIN IN YOUR YARD.

But every year, in what I assume is the late summer slow beer/writing season, there's someone somewhere complaining about seasonal beers coming out way too early. Like, OK GRANDPA, things aren't as good as they were in the old days.

My theory is that brewers are flabbergasted that people drink pumpkin beers AT ALL, and are waging a secret bet to see when people realize that they are actually a joke based on when someone spilled a container of nutmeg into the mash tun that one time. So why not keep trying to get that sweet, sweet pumpkin beer cash? Spread it out! Let's get a dental plan up in here!

Oktoberfest beer creep, I have very little problem with for the simple reason that they are delicious and I DO wish well made versions were available all year round. Oktoberfest (as celebrated in Germany) is actually mostly in September, anyway, the name is a bit misleading, so it's not quite as seasonally creepy as it sounds.

So here are my thoughts on seasonal creep: if you see something you love and want to buy it (even if that is pumpkin beer), buy it. (Do make sure it's fresh though.) If you feel that the specialness of your favorite seasonal beer is tainted somehow when it's not the actual season, then, um, don't buy it till it's your prearranged special together time.

The unfortunate thing about seasonal beers is that when the season ends, people reallllllly tend not to want it. So the sellers are stuck with all this beer that no one wants to drink because it's time for disgusting Christmas spiced seasonal beers (more allspice and cloves, I think) or Sierra Nevada Celebration fresh hop IPA, which, YASSSSSSSSSSS QUEEN, hook a sister up, buy early and drink often.

In conclusion: drink what you like, when you like (if you can).

1 comment:

  1. The thing about seasonal beers is that breweries need to work them into their production scale for the amount they must produce. Smaller breweries can afford to wait, while larger ones really can't. I do understand people freaking out at Pumking on July but Oktoberfest in August is only 30 days out. Don't buy what you don't want. Don't cry if you miss out. Clearly there is a market, otherwise brewers would push back production schedules to sell the beer since it's not selling... wait... it is!

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